The surprising connection between Neuro-Linguistic Programming and Yoga
How both practices help me reconnect to my higher self
When I discovered Neuro-Linguistic programming, my engineer, strategic, “world mapper” left brain part of me liked it very much.
During my engineering studies, I studied machine learning algorithms and neural networks, which learn from, and adapt with, new incoming data they are getting from the environment, until they are “trained” and then programmed a certain way.
Neuro-Linguistic Programming
I could connect to that NLP concept which, just like a computer (a more complex, biological, multi-dimensional one) was a set of neural networks that are capable to learn from the environment. Humans, learn and program ourselves through the data we receive through our senses, our external world. The programs, values and beliefs come from our families, parents and parents’ parents, culture, environment, events that happen in our life, little or bigger traumas and how we interprate those with our child’s mind body.
As a child, the goal we set to train our internal programs and function is to do anything we can to be loved, accepted, and part of our tribe. At the same time, these internal programs have the role to protect us from the pain of rejection, abandonment, which in infancy, childhood and primitive times be synonymous to isolation and potential death.
So we spend the first 7 to 12 years of our lives learning from others and the environment, programming ourselves with those perceptions of reality with the goal to belong and be loved. It is important to grasp, these are just relative “perceptions” of reality because all those rules, beliefs and values are relative depending which part of the world you were born, which country, which family, which social economical background, etc.
Our set of programs aim at protecting us, to make the right choice according to those set values. Our programs are in fact mind body memories of small traumas or events that we interpretated a certain way. So for example if you were scolded by your parents as a child when you did not perform at your best at school, you might have programmed yourself as “the only way to get love and be worthy is to achieve, succeed (whatever success meant in your culture, family, tribe…)”. So you might develop an “achiever” persona.
All those programs become in some ways, different parts of yourself, protective, driven by the goal to be loved. And those perceptions, beliefs, values become our reality, our truth, our “shoulds”:
“ I should get a job in this field of study”
“ I should marry this type of person”
“I should work first and play later”
“I should be thin and fit to find a man”
“I should succeed in my career to be worthy of love”
“I should put myself last as it is selfish to take care of myself”
“I should follow this religion and believe this scripture”
“I should work hard to succeed”…
Living as an adult with this conditioning
As an adult with those sets of protective programs, when you get into a situation that resembles a past event and it uncovers a time of potential rejection or love from the “tribe”, certain programs activate a similar physiological reaction in your body mind to protect yourself or to validate your choices.
Some examples, you might get upset over and over again with that colleague at work whom seems to criticize your deliverables at work, or you might get hurt if someone does not call you back, or someone criticizes the way you look… Or if you were programmed as an “achiever” persona, then you constantly try to achieve more and are never truly satisfy with yourself, a sense of being an imposter, not good enough… All of those triggers simply reflect an activation of a protective or programmed part of you.
All these programs, or parts of yourself, can spend a lot of time arguing, conflicting, debating in your head, planning, regretting, imagining the worse case scenario, telling yourself you should be grateful for what you have when you feel low, etc….
This creates a constant and tiring mind chatter…. that often prevents you from living the experience of life here and now. Sometimes disempowering you to be able to make any decision…
It does not leave much for true freewill and your own power in deciding what you truly want, how you want to love, how you want to respond to certain situation and not react, what you want to do as a career, what beliefs you are going to abide by that will serve you and society for the highest good…
And for most of us humans, we keep wearing those kids-size clothes that might not fit us anymore. We keep using those programs subconsciously, we keep our preset values and beliefs for the rest of our adults lives. And a lot of those programs are in fact quite limiting, they define us in a very small way, limiting our potential and even worse reducing our sense of true worth, purpose and happiness.
So, just like a computer, upgrading those programs is necessary if you want to change your life in a way that is fullfilling for you. And it can be really challenging. Having the courage to look deep, to unlearn what your family and culture have carried and transmitted to you for generations, can, and will, be hard. For you, and for the cultural group as well. And the relearning of new sets of beliefs, thoughts, habits takes dedication.
But oh so worth it.
In NLP, we aim at creating space between this automatic programming and the reaction that follows, to relearn new mind body habits to be able to respond to situations instead of reacting. So NLP is about truly choosing our path, while quietening the insanity of the busy judgmental mind, creating peace and presence in a broad reality.
So, what is the link between NLP and yoga?
One definition of yoga, and for me the one that resonates the most, is “Yogas Chitta Vritii Nirodha”. Yoga is the stilling of the mind chatter until it rests in a state of total and utter tranquility, so that one experiences life as it is: as Reality.
So it was very uncanny to me to discover that both life-changing approaches I studied, practiced and connected with were actually 2 different ways of cultivating the same state of peace in a broader sense of reality.
Awareness
There are lots of different techniques to unlearn and relearn and it is not the subject of this blog but they all come down to that first step of bringing awareness. In both yoga and NLP there is a big focus on awareness. In NLP it is more focused on the mind patterns and in yoga on the body sensations, but both approaches aim to bring a deeper connection to the self, the true self, the higher self.
Bringing awareness about the choices you are making, the thoughts you are holding, the triggers in your day to day life and that reflects your past traumas, the emotions that come up, the sensations in the body, tightness, openess, and what is the message behind those, who is that voice in your head…
Trauma is held as a body memory as much as a mind one, so the healing needs to happen at a mind body level. Once you bring awareness to that traumatic body memory, you can discharge the emotion attached to it, reframe the meaning behind the event and free yourself from reliving this each time a similar triggering event happens in your life.
Energy and intention
In NLP, we also learn to change our state of being, which is really simply put, be the masters of our energy, our thoughts, our emotions, our lives.
In yoga, we welcome different states as well and create intention to our practices to cultivate or embody certain qualities we want more of: love, compassion, connection, trust, peace…
How do we cultivate a higher state of being?
In many different ways, you can train your body to feel whatever intention your are choosing by either remembering that state, moment in time where you felt whatever you would like to feel. If you can’t recall a time where you felt that way, simply imagining how it would feel… or modeling someone you know shows those desired quality of being… and cultivating that feeling so that it can come easily.
There are different yoga practices, breathing techniques, heart-brain coherence techniques and other types of meditation and energy work that can be used to cultivate the state of focus.
Little by little, with dedication and repetition, you can invite those states with effortless ease. And become the master of your energy whatever life brings up.
Yoga and NLP as complementary approaches
As we have discussed, both in yoga and NLP, we aim at reducing the mind chatter and cultivating a peaceful, connected, compassionate, confident, creative state of being.
In NLP we focus more on the mind, and in yoga more on the body. Which makes those 2 approaches so complementary. Using both approaches and valuing those equally helped me reconcile my left and right parts of my self.
There is so much awesomeness in the strategic mind and so much beauty in the heart, the body, the breath.
I became a yoga teacher the same year I became a master NLP practionner. From that time onward, there was no way I could separate the teachings of both approaches. In coaching clients, I include a lot of body awareness, breathing techniques, energy awareness, guided meditation and in yoga I include some NLP approaches of visualization, anchoring and questioning.
You can’t work on the body separately from the mind and vice versa. We are a mind body system and they both need to be part of the discussions.
Intrigued by this yoga, NLP transformational combination? Have a chat with me to learn more or visit my website www.fearlesslyyourself.com.
Dorothee Marossero Msc MBA is a transformational coach, creator of Fearlessly Yourself and Dottyoga. She uses Neuro-Linguistic Programming, Yoga, mindfulness, somatic and self-care approaches to bring sustainable and deep transformation to women around the world.
