The cross road
Now I was at a cross road.
I could choose to continue caring. Caring and hurting. Being upset. At everything, every word, every silence, every move that would not fit in my model of the world.
But I got tired. I got tired of feeling disappointed, feeling sad, feeling frustrated at the human kind. It did not serve me anymore. It did not serve anyone anymore.
So I chose the other road. I chose to see truth and love. I chose to see my struggles as a human. I chose to see the struggles of all humans. I chose to understand we are all different and the same. Our struggles, our pains, our illusion of truth.
I chose to see my triggers as a gift. The gift of showing me where to dig. Where to find love in the unhealed parts of myself.
I chose to sit and have a look. In a non-judgmental way. In a loving way. I gave myself permission to feel. To feel what was inside. To feel the pain, the discomfort. I stop resisting.
Some days, I found myself laying on the floor, curled in a fetus position, letting the flow of emotions pass through me.
I felt it all. The sadness. The shame. The fear.
Of a lifetime.
I took the time. I surrendered to the experience.
At some point it all became just sensations. Sensations with no names. Just movements of energy.
And then when least expected, there the light was. A sense of acceptance.
A release. A wave of humor in looking at it all. The paradox, the shadows…
Was it all about finding love ? Yet protecting myself from love itself and creating suffering ?
The irony of it all!
And while I was starting to accept myself. Imperfectly perfect, in my beauty and all my darknesses. A miracle happened. I started to accept others. “All of them others.” The « very different » others, the politically, religiously, spiritually different others ! I started to see them as me. Imperfectly perfect, in their beauty and all their darknesses.
And there the light was. A sense of peace. A sense of liberation. A sense of freedom.
If you find yourself at that cross road, where you are done being triggered by little things or bigger ones : People, situations, elections, jobs, colleagues, partners … external factors.
Maybe try this: “sit” in quietness (whatever that means for you, it could be a walk alone in the forest)… and feel… feel it all. Then give yourself permission to regain control of your powers : your thoughts, emotions, words and actions.
The road to liberation.
With infinite love and gratitude
Transformational coach and creator of Fearlessly Yourself, a 12-week holistic program for women