The cross road

Now I was at a cross road.

I could choose to continue caring. Caring and hurting. Being upset. At everything, every word, every silence, every move that would not fit in my model of the world.

But I got tired. I got tired of feeling disappointed, feeling sad, feeling frustrated at the human kind. It did not serve me anymore. It did not serve anyone anymore.

So I chose the other road. I chose to see truth and love. I chose to see my struggles as a human. I chose to see the struggles of all humans. I chose to understand we are all different and the same. Our struggles, our pains, our illusion of truth.

I chose to see my triggers as a gift. The gift of showing me where to dig. Where to find love in the unhealed parts of myself.

I chose to sit and have a look. In a non-judgmental way. In a loving way. I gave myself permission to feel. To feel what was inside. To feel the pain, the discomfort. I stop resisting.

Some days, I found myself laying on the floor, curled in a fetus position, letting the flow of emotions pass through me.

I felt it all. The sadness. The shame. The fear.

Of a lifetime.

I took the time. I surrendered to the experience.

At some point it all became just sensations. Sensations with no names. Just movements of energy.

And then when least expected, there the light was. A sense of acceptance.

A release. A wave of humor in looking at it all. The paradox, the shadows…

Was it all about finding love ? Yet protecting myself from love itself and creating suffering ?

The irony of it all!

And while I was starting to accept myself. Imperfectly perfect, in my beauty and all my darknesses. A miracle happened. I started to accept others. “All of them others.” The « very different » others, the politically, religiously, spiritually different others ! I started to see them as me. Imperfectly perfect, in their beauty and all their darknesses.

And there the light was. A sense of peace. A sense of liberation. A sense of freedom.

If you find yourself at that cross road, where you are done being triggered by little things or bigger ones : People, situations, elections, jobs, colleagues, partners … external factors.

Maybe try this: “sit” in quietness (whatever that means for you, it could be a walk alone in the forest)… and feel… feel it all. Then give yourself permission to regain control of your powers : your thoughts, emotions, words and actions.

The road to liberation.

With infinite love and gratitude

Dorothee Marossero

Transformational coach and creator of Fearlessly Yourself, a 12-week holistic program for women

www.fearlesslyyourself.com

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Dorothee Marossero

Transformational coach, International Yoga teacher and Reiki practitioner. I believe to heal we need to reconnect to our bodies, our emotions, our natural self.