Redefining success out-of the societal norms of career, money or fame
On how to cultivate a state of unconditional self-esteem
Read part 1 of this blog here, where we discussed why defining our identity and worth by our outer accomplishments, tends to leave us with a feeling of emptiness and scarcity: “never being good enough”.
Redefining success with the qualities of beings
To redefine myself, those are the qualities I started to invite within myself and the questions I started to ponder on:
Authenticity
Can I stay true to myself at any moment? Allowing myself to feel low if I feel low, feel good if I feel good. Can I sit with my emotions, look at them in the eyes, with no judgement and listen to the message behind those emotions?
Can I allow myself to acknowledge, feel, honor, speak my truth with compassion, at any moment, independent of who is in front of me?
Can I release the need to please others above my own needs? Can i set boundaries to honor myself or others?
Holding space for others
Can I sit with my friend’s, partner’s, child’s emotions without discomfort?Simply letting those come, respecting them and holding space for them with no advice to give, no judgement, just love?
Following my heart / intuition
Can I connect to what energise me in life, follow my heart, that spark, take risk, fail, come back up again?
Courage
Can I find courage to speak my truth and release the fear of failure and embarrassment?
Can I speak up against what I see as injustice?
Understanding for others
Can I listen, truly listen, put my ego and opinions aside, imagine myself in someone else shoes, feeling, understanding even if their views are very different than mine?
Can I understand and love them even if they decide to let me go out of their life, as a friend, as a partner, as a lover? Can I truly respect their choice and not lower myself to get their approval again?
Oneness
Can I look in the eyes of the “different”, the homeless, the poor, the discriminated, the weaker without discomfort, without feeling separated from them?
Curiosity
Can i keep myself curious, engaged with new learnings, ideas, new activities?
Connection
Can I keep my heart open and soft despite the hurt from the past and even to those who hurt me?
Can I learn to celebrate others’ joy and successes without comparing myself to them?
Wisdom
Can I keep sight of the bigger picture, the highest good for all, humans, animals, plants, planet included, for the long term not just the short term?
Laughter and senses
Can I enjoy life, give myself permission to laugh out loud when I feel the urge? Can I find beauty and maybe even joy in every moment of life?
Grateful
Can I remain grateful for the smaller and bigger things in life, the air I breathe, the beauty of the world, my house, the food I eat, my kids, the smile from the cashier at the grocery store…?
Grounded
Can I keep myself grounded, secure, safe, living in and taking part of the social world, and not get lost in my meditative state. Can I keep it real and sit with all humankind?
Self-love
Can I love myself unconditionally, through the ups and the downs, the changes in my body through time, the career successes and failures, and that independently to others expectations?
And some days, I cannot answer yes to some of those questions, some days it is a definite No, but most days those are the qualities that I strive towards and that define myself more than the outer stuff….
It is becoming less and less about what I do and more about who I am.
It does not mean I don’t accomplish anything anymore, I actually have accomplished a lot in the past few years, changing career path, creating a few businesses. But I created a life I love and everything I do is per choice. None of the things I do feels like a SHOULD or even work.
And none of the things I do defines me either.
So on the days when work does not go as planned, when one of my deliverable is not completed as well as intended, when clients do not show up, it does not imprint itself as a deep frustration or hurt, it is simply a day of work that was not as good as others. It has nothing to do with my worth as a human.
I learn from it and move on.
So for all of you that are still wondering who you are without all those accomplishments, work title, external accumulations, relationships but feel a sense of loss, of unsatisfaction… keep on exploring those questions… Keep on doing the things you love, even on the side…. those little inspired moments and actions will lead you to more clarity.
Of course, all those beliefs linking your worth with your accomplishments have been imprinted in your mind body for a very long time, some you might not be able to actually identify as hidden in shadows, so you might need some support along the way to reprogram new beliefs in the mind and body, to reframe, to discharge the emotional memory, reimprint new meanings to those childhood scars. Support can come from a coach, a therapist, you can start with a trusted friend…
Needing support in this exploration of self, contact me! Let’s have a chat! Or check out my 12-week program where we go through a mind body journey to discover and cultivate a higher state of being. www.fearlesslyyourself.com.
Love and gratitude to all
Dorothee Marossero Msc MBA is a transformational coach, creator of Fearlessly Yourself and Dottyoga. She uses Neuro-Linguistic Programming, Yoga, mindfulness, somatic and self-care approaches to bring sustainable and deep transformation to women around the world.
